i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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