I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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