"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
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my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
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Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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