Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
