My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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