one might say we're banned from that church
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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