Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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