Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
