He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
