I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
