u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
