eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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