And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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