Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
