He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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