Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
