part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
