she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
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i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
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We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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