Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
