I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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