is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I need a beard to bite.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
