I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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