I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
