umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
