nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
