I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
