Nicole vs. Life
well you can't waste a boner
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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