i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
