Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
