Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We have started to decorate penises.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
