We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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