we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think people are normalizing furries
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
