he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
