if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
worst night to have a conscience
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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