I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Porn is love you can see.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
