Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
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I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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