you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
