i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize
