Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
As shirtless as possible
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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