A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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