So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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