I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize