Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
