Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
