Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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