You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
