i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
