I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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