You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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