Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
