I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
