Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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