then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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