so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
