I wish I could teleport
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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