You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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