i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
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sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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