walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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