ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
