my shit smells like andre
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
