corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
