Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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