I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
