My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
