Sry I called you an 8
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
