you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
