i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
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is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
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Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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