dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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