I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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